WHY SPORTING CHANCE
In March 2019 I was struggling to come to terms with my Dad’s death 10 months previously.
They say there is no time-scale to grief but, while watching everyone else move on, I couldn’t understand why I was at a standstill. My life had come to a point where I felt I couldn’t cope anymore. I didn’t understand why, I didn’t have half the worries that some people have, I have a partner who loves and cares for me, I have a beautiful confident daughter with 2 amazing grand-daughters who I loved without question, I didn’t struggle with money, have friends that I could rely on and a job I have always enjoyed. My mum also seemed to be coping well and moving on with her life, so why was I stuck, all these amazing things around me and it had been 10 months?
I was constantly having the darkest, most negative thoughts that anyone should have, thinking of ending my own life. A close friend of mine had been involved in responding to a tragic accident which resulted in a death not long before. During a rugby match one of the visiting teams players collapsed, my friend was one of the first aiders for the match and involved in trying to save the mans life. I asked him how he came to terms with the death when being closely involved in the incident and he mentioned support from Sporting Chance, a charity set up to support individuals and organisations across sports to address mental health, emotional welfare and addictive disorders.
I arranged an informal meeting with Colin from the charity, who put a lot of what I was feeling into context for me. The confusion in my mind, I now know was from being brought up/ and playing sport in an era where showing emotion was not done. However, I was feeling so much emotion from the loss of my dad and was keeping it all inside. One sentence I remember from that initial session was ‘Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem’ I will remember this if I fall back in the dark.
By raising awareness for Sporting Chance, this is me giving something back, a thank you if you like.
I will never forget how low I was and the support they provided me. I know and accept now however that that my sadness was born out of the depth of love I had and still have for my Dad.